The Things We Can And Cannot Keep

The other day Delaney asked me about a song on my new record called "The Things We Can And Cannot Keep".  Here is where I will try to explain the song. 

I spent most of January in Kansas City recording You And The Evening Sky with Don Chaffer. This song was one of my favorites going into the month and it was fun to sing the vocal because I got to go some places vocally that I haven’t before on a recording. There was a moment of epiphany that occurred while I was singing. I was revisiting the lyric of the bridge, making sure it was the right sentiment, when Don leaned into the vocal booth and said, “Alli, it’s perfect”. The bridge, he meant, and proceeded to tell me how the song had just come together for him and how he, in that moment, understood the song to be about innocence. He was right. And in the same way a novelist can be surprised by their own character’s words or actions, the song revealed itself to me more fully that day.

The things we can and cannot keep is a line from a blog written by Rebecca Stevenson. She is a wife, mother, teacher, and writer that has inspired me greatly. After reading her blog one day, I wrote the first verse and chorus of this song.

When I sing the words to The Things We Can and Cannot Keep, I think of the apple cider my grandma makes at Christmas, of the days my mom and I would shop for new school supplies and that smell of new shiny folders and unused erasers, of my bedroom where I relentlessly came up with new arts and craft projects that eventually turned my carpet an array of different colors. It makes me think of my high school boyfriend, of the school newspaper where I learned to use a dark room, of my short stint as a cheerleader and the way I wanted desperately to be noticed. It makes me think of all of these things because I want to know what memories are going to stay clear, and which ones will fade away with time. I want to know what happens to the attachments I have to certain buildings and houses, and the connection I have with certain people who have been part of my life. I want to know what we can carry in this life, and in to the next life. I want to know why our convictions change, and about the ways we all “negotiate growth”, in Don’s words. (He uses those words during our dialogue about this song, recorded on the bonus disc.)

My favorite class of all of high school was one called Modern Literature that I took my junior year. My favorite book ever assigned to me to read is one called “The Things That They Carried” by Tim O’Brien. It is about soldiers in the Vietnam War and their stories told through the things they kept in their pockets or socks or bags or hearts. I could not have written this song apart from the image I had of a soldier with a knapsack, carrying all the things that he felt defined him.

Here are the lyrics:

The Things We Can and Cannot Keep

up the drive, ‘round a corner
stand atop of the front porch staring
at the swing that used to hold
your end of the day thoughts
there’s the old cherry trees and the neighbor who knows
every grandchild’s name
even sewed them some clothes for Christmas
you remember that Christmas

what can we carry, what will stay with us
what will shine like gold when the story’s told
some things will tarry, some will return to dust
there are things we can and things we cannot keep

I was young and he was in high school
in the band he played all the marches
circle girls, boys and their solos
dancing our hearts like an auction
we’re for sale and we’re cheap and we’ll sing you a jingle
oh “heart” seems to be the wrong word for a soul
It’s crazy how we try to find solace

Innocence like a bottle spun
sacred stones in careless hands
building up our cityscape
we write our names on a plot of land
where will we go, who will we be
and what, if anything, can we carry?

Some Keep the Sabbath Going to Church

By Emily Dickinson

Some keep the Sabbath going to Church 
I keep it, staying at Home 
With a Bobolink for a Chorister 
And an Orchard, for a Dome 

Some keep the Sabbath in Surplice 
I just wear my Wings 
And instead of tolling the Bell, for Church,
Our little Sexton sings.

God preaches, a noted Clergyman 
And the sermon is never long,
So instead of getting to Heaven, at last 
I'm going, all along.

Life Lessons From Baking #1

Life Lesson from baking # 1: Always butter the pan before you start mixing ingredients. You're less likely to forget that way, and more likely to have a successful baking experience. It's also good to put most recipes directly into the oven after you are done with the dough or mixture. A prepared pan or dish ensures a speedy transfer.

What I've learned: When I think to do something, I should do it right then instead of waiting for a better time.  There will never be a "better" time. 
real life example: get gas when the light comes on.

*This is the first in my "Life Lessons from Baking" blogs :)

Sad Orchid

My orchid has died. Is it past saving or will those green twigs sprout again? I just don't know. So sad. I've been pretty successful at house plants thus far so this feels like a true defeat. I guess I just didn't know how to care for it. Any orchid experts out there?

Joy and Obedience and Songwriting

I wrote a couple songs today with some great guys. I’ve been co-writing a lot this month and enjoyed it immensely. I’ve kept a pad of paper by my bed lately because of all the song ideas that keep popping up in my groggy half awake self. I got home today and all I wanted to talk about was the songs I wrote, I couldn’t wait to play them for my husband. Today we worked through lunch and I didn’t even notice. And normally I’m irritable and unproductive if I’m hungry.

People say different things about finding your “calling”. Finding the thing you were made to do. Or things.

I’m often conflicted by what the message of our culture is on this subject, and what the message of the bible is. The quote in my Real Simple magazine this month goes like this:

“We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry.”
-E.B. White

That resonates with me. Pretty deeply. But then that starts to feel self-serving and I think of verses like this in the bible:

..and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
Matthew 10:38-39

It’s like something in me thinks that I should be moderately miserable as a sign that I’m following God’s will. What shady theology is that?? I know that is not what Jesus meant there, but somewhere along the way I started believing that He did.

surly those two concepts can coincide.

In jr. high I had a poster on my wall of an elephant standing on a beach ball. The quote underneath it said “The key to life is balance.”

I don’t think at the time I realized how true that really is...

By His Wounds

Isaiah 53:5
He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

1 Peter 2:24
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.

Aaron Douglas

Was having a hard time writing today, I couldn't seem to draw anything out of myself. So I went to the Frist Museum to see an exhibit of works by Aaron Douglas, an artist from the Harlem Renaissance. I still haven't written any great songs today but I left the Frist completely inspired. I'm pretty speechless and cannot believe I've never seen his art before. I am overwhelmed by the amount of life that exudes from every piece.

This painting is called "Into Human Bondage" (this picture I got online doesn't do it justice, if you ever get the chance to see his art in person, please do)



"...we must let down our buckets into our own souls where joy and pain, mirth and sadness, still flows swift and deep and free, and drink until we are drunk as with an overpowering desire for expression."
-Aaron Douglas
Letter to Alain Locke, June 1925