I am at the end. Of pregnancy that is.
I am in my final few weeks of carrying this child and the song on my lips is “I need thee every hour....” as it was in the beginning of pregnancy, it is now and will continue to be, well, every hour.
I wrote the song Springtime last winter about this and it is on my new EP.
When I was early pregnant with James who is now 2 1/2, I found myself crying in church to the above mentioned hymn. I was about to embark on a tour (with lots of doggy bags in hand) and I was not feeling up to the challenge of pregnancy let alone becoming a mother.
Oh how good it has been for me in this season of child rearing to be desperate. To be dependent on God, because for so long I felt like I was coasting. Like a song from my very first record says, “when I’m away from my source of peace...something fills that space in me...and it feels like I don’t need you.”
I was so tired of feeling self sufficient. It really only led to being disgusted with my own pride and greed. (which of course led me to my... yep... need.)
So I felt it three years ago and Lord knows I feel it today. I need thee every hour.
I have loved the book Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon. It’s a years worth of short devotional readings for every day. The reading from the day James was born spoke like it was God himself talking to me, and I think He might have been. The sentence that stuck with me the most was this:
O Lord, if it be not spring time in my chilly heart, I pray Thee make it so, for I am heartily weary of living at a distance from Thee.
I have not let go of this phrase and even wrote a blog about it at the time. God has been so good to allow me to thirst for Him in these ways. How easy it is (in our culture especially) to be content with gatorade when we’ve been offered living water.
So I am thanking God for the end of this pregnancy. If you ask me how I am doing, does my back hurt? Am I sleeping okay? Am I ready to have another one? I will have a hard time giving you a smiley happy answer. But know that I am thankful, know that it is very good to need Thee every hour.
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3 comments:
Great post, Alli. Praying for you in these final days!! :) Enjoy your little man to the fullest until then!
I can't even begin to tell you how this spoke to me. I too am at the end of my pregnancy with my sweet girl due on Nov. 24th. This is my first and I have been very excited throughout, but I have felt this distance from God that I can't explain. This should be a time of rejoicing and happiness...and it is, but I have felt so negative at times and almost completely shutting Him out of the equation. Anyway...it was very encouraging to read this post and to know that I need Him every hour and he has been there every hour when I have been absent and unaware. Thanks for being real and good luck with everything in the next few weeks.
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