James

It's a boy!!

I have many stories to tell and pictures to share but for now I just wanted to let it be known that James entered the world on Friday April 24th, weighing in at 8 lbs 1 oz. We are all exhausted but doing great and loving these first days together. I promise I will share more soon!

The Wednesday Game of Non-Sequiturs

I've had too much caffeine today (the baby doesn't seem to mind...) and I'm already anxious since my due date is tomorrow (What?!) and it doesn't look like this baby will be on time. SO, what better way to calm ones self than with a game, right? So here it is, a game for a wandering mind like mine, and on a wednesday no less. Wednesday's are for wandering anyway, are they not? I always get my best work done on Friday's, I'm finally warmed up by then...anyway...

The Wednesday Game of Non-Sequiturs:

3 things that are always in my fridge: tortilla's, eggs, butter

Most recent guilty pleasure song: Dead and Gone by TI and Justin Timberlake. I know.... I'm surprised too.

Favorite class from high school: creative writing

If I could grow anything perfectly in my backyard it would be: tomatoes. I just love the smell of fresh tomatoes. And I can't decide on a single herb or flower.

Most Used Wedding Gift: KitchenAid Mixer (if not-married, you can answer with most used gift in general)

Talent I wish I was born with: cooking

Color I would paint my fingernails if I didn't care what people thought of me: Purple. I say this because I have a bottle of light purple fingernail polish that I bought on a whim and occasionally take it out and put it on a finger or toe in the hopes that I will have the courage to finish a whole hand or foot... I never do. One day my friends, one day. The fact remains, I do care what people think of me. What is it I am afraid people will deduct from purple nail polish? Maybe that they will think I'm too childish, not sophisticated enough. You like how I'm finding some deep meaning out of my reluctance to be daring with nail polish? moving on...

Favorite thing to find in your lunchbox as a child: I think I'll go with pringles.

Age you would not like to revisit: 13

Age you would like to revisit: 10

Book I still haven't finished but is on the top of my finish list: The Omnivore's Dilemma

And finally,

Day I think Alli will give birth to her first child that is due tomorrow: I'm pulling for this saturday, the 18th.

If you need a distraction for a few minutes today, feel free to leave your answers in the comments! I'll let you know when this baby comes!

Afraid

I don’t want to admit that I am. But the fear is undeniable. Debra Rienstra (and her narrative that has been a companion to me through this pregnancy) calls it the “quiet, tensing fear, a constant, high-pitched hum that no one can hear but me.”

There is something lonely about pregnancy that can not be assuaged. I felt this from the very beginning and sort of expected it to go away with time. It has not and possibly will not.

It’s as if a pregnant woman enters this new realm of spiritual mystery, a water that must be traveled alone. For some reason I picture the underground lake from the Phantom of The Opera.

It is traveled alone because there is no other way. I don’t think our human minds or hearts can hold what it means to give birth to a life. We cannot fathom such a miracle, and the mother who carries the child cannot speak of the depth she experiences, simply because she does not have the words.

In the middle of the night, wide awake, I stare at the pack and play in our room where the new baby will sleep very soon. I walk over to it and push the button that turns on it’s nightlight. I touch the fabric where we will soon lay our son or daughter. And I hear the hum. The constant hum that Debra writes about. She says,

“One indisputable truth about pregnancy is that once the baby is in there, it must come out somehow. The end is near, the end is real. The only way out is through.”

I am afraid of the birth itself, I would be a fool not to be. But more than that, I tremble at the enormity of experiencing life on this level. Experiencing the Creator on this level. How is it that He gives us such a taste of something so far beyond our current capacity? I have not yet seen this child's face, and already I am overwhelmed with awe.