Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dear Guilt

Today I am dreaming. I am trying to decipher the Wants between the Shoulds. I filter every decision I make through what I think I should do, or what I think everyone else thinks I should do. And although a lot of the time I end up doing what I want to do regardless of whether it lines up with what I think everyone expects of me, I end up feeling guilty for not living up to their supposed expectations.

Guilt is like bitterness, it is not meant to stay in our hearts longer than the time it takes to say

I’m sorry

or

I forgive you.

So...this is addressed to the shadow named Guilt:

I’m sorry not to tell you this in person, but the truth of the matter is that I don’t know where you live. If you appeared to me plainly then I would address you to your face, but you are transient and incessant, a chameleon of a ghost that shows up in my words and actions, in my wake and my sleep, and I can’t detect you the way I can jealousy or sloth. You don’t follow me around like nostalgia or selfishness. You are the wall between me and my tomorrows, the widows clothes I should have taken off years ago, the childs blanket I am afraid of falling asleep without. So, dear guilt: this is me tearing you off like a band aid- please don’t come back next time I have a wound. There is a much better way to heal, and I choose grace.

4 comments:

BeautyRescued said...

Alli,

This is beautifully written and so very very true! Thanks for the reminder.

Rachel

Ally said...

That was really beautiful!

Danielle said...

My daughter recently turned 1 and I'm still walking through those same thoughts. It seems once you become a mom, Guilt follows every thought. I love the way you put it and recommend this be a new song theme!! It would be refreshing to remind myself everytime I hear it to not let guilt run my decisions!! It's good to know you have the same issue and I'm not the only one!!

MamaMiller said...

I just found your blog and want to share how much your music has touched my everyday life. Thank you for such thought provoking lyrics and an honest heart! I am in eastern Iowa and have been to a couple of your shows, do you ever perform in Iowa outside of the Waterloo area? I would love to see you at our church as a way to outreach to our community and share your sweet music!