Monday, October 8, 2012

Surrender...again.


It is such a year of learning I really do not know where to begin. The kind of year you can’t turn back, the kind of change you can’t undo. So I move forward with prayers of “Oh Lord...I need You”. The curtain has been pulled on my lesser gods and any false sense of security I had has been shattered. I feel smaller and more humbled than I ever have and yet, more confident in who I am. 

It is such a year of pruning that I do not know what will be left when we reach the end. 
I desire an outward change to display the inward swelling tides but nothing seems safe from vanity or pride so I wear the same shoes and comb my hair in the same way. 

I have less to prove and I pray that tomorrow there is even less until it is nothing. Nothing to boast, save the Grace I have in Jesus. 

Surrender is where child like faith and wisdom work together. It can not be forced or driven by guilt and that is where every knot in my stomach was tied. Surrender daily...I am learning. I do not expect a certain outcome nor do I feel entitled to anything. 

So when the page is turned over at the end of this long year...when the calendar resets and my heart says...again...surrender...again. 

I will. 

For the Lord has been good to me.  


3 comments:

jaybird7 said...

As I read this, Alli, I pictured your open hands extended in front of you - palms up....

Homegrown Hansen Mama said...

Oh friend...you and I seem to be in a similar season. I read this with all too familiar feelings. That surrender place...so good and so hard.

Loraena said...

Hi Alli,

I realize we've never met and I don't know the circumstances you're facing, but I have been in the place you speak of.

"The curtain has been pulled on my lesser gods and any false sense of security I had has been shattered. I feel smaller and more humbled than I ever have and yet, more confident in who I am. " I know that place well. Reaching that point for the first time was the one of the hardest times in my life, but I wouldn't trade what I was given through it for anything. I hope we get to meet in real life sometime. I think we'd be friends.