Yesterday at church I realized that I've been talking to this child in my mind, as if since it is inside my body it can hear my thoughts. Would you call me crazy if I told you I actually thought the baby was affected by my thoughts? I won't go so far to say I think the baby can hear my thoughts, but I believe something must be happening in the spirit so this life can already sense joy and sadness, fear and anxiety. And I find myself very conscious of this during worship.
As the people around me stood, I sat and listened to the voices. They were singing:
Holy Holy Holy
Lord God Almighty
Early in the morning, our song shall rise to thee!
and I was thinking:
These are Gods Children singing together, baby! Do you hear the voices? These are His sons and daughters, like you. Do you hear it? Isn't it the most beautiful sound?
When I take communion:
This is Jesus, baby. This is his grace that I'm giving you right now. I know it's nothing you haven't already tasted, bread and juice, but this is different. One day I'll try to explain but the truth is, I don't really understand myself. Your mom has made mistakes, baby. And I will with you, I know. I'm sorry. Already, I'm sorry I can't be perfect for you. But this is my manna. I will show you what I mean. Lord help me show this child... this is grace, baby. this is grace you're tasting.
and when I feel him or her moving, when I see the rumbles underneath my skin... I have no thoughts. It is often the only time I have no inner monologue. No song lyrics rushing by like a river, no worries standing up like boulders, no ponderings floating along like leaves. I have no thoughts, I only feel.
I want you to keep moving, because when you move my world stops.